So sometimes your significant other is away for the weekend and you take the opportunity to organize a Ladies Night and you go dancing in too-high heels on the drunk walk home you call your sig. oth. (new slang) and yell at him for not respecting you. And then you fall asleep in your clothes. Sometimes this happens. And then you wake up the next morning and all you want to do is hate yourself for being so annoying and hungover but you can’t. Why can’t you? Because you have to volunteer.
Enter the cure for crippling self-loathing: volunteering! You guys, it’s so great. It’s obviously great because giving back to the community is one of the pillars of our society – it takes a village to etc. We all have to help each other because that’s what being a person is about. We are helpless on our own but together we can do anything! That part is fairly self-explanatory. Volunteering is good! But what can volunteering do for you? It can make you feel good about yourself.
(Yes, I know, some might argue that you shouldn’t volunteer for selfish reasons. But this is just to give you that little nudge in case you’re on the fence about it. Also, the argument can be made that no act is purely selfless. Anything that results in making somebody else feel good makes you feel good, too. There was a whole “Friends” episode about it. We could argue this point all day, but let’s just leave it at this: volunteering is just as helpful no matter what stupid reason you have for doing it.)
Cause of Self-Loathing #1: You Drank Too Much And Now You Feel Like Some Apologies Might Need To Be Made.
Cure: Big Sisters of America.
Your cute little Latina friend from the inner city doesn’t care if you yelled at your sig. oth. last night. She only cares that you guys are walking around a park together looking at a pond and picking wildflowers. Girl doesn’t get out much. It is so easy to show her amazing things that you take for granted. And seeing things through her eyes makes them fresh and new and beautiful to you, too.
How to Get Involved: Go to the Big Brothers Big Sisters website and enter your zip code. Follow the directions. It’s a big commitment but it’s super rewarding.
Cause of Self-Loathing #2: You Feel Fat.
Cure: Enter a Race for Charity.
Nothing gets your mind off your body issues quite like talking to somebody with cancer. This one is doubly effective in combating self-loathing because it involves both giving back to the community and actually changing the thing that’s making you feel bad. Also, endorphins. Also, it’s springtime! Get out there and walk/jog yourself around. Jog away from the bad feelings! And help fight cancer in your own small way.
How to Get Involved: There are a million of these for any town or city anyone might live in. Google it. Then send annoying emails to all your coworkers asking for money.
Cause of Self-Loathing #3: Your Young Adult Novel Was Rejected By Another Publisher.
Cure: Tutor Some Kids at Your Local 826 Branch.
This works for pretty much any rejection you might encounter. Like you didn’t get a job or some dude didn’t call you back. Fuck ‘em! Kids need help with their homework. They don’t care about any of that stuff. They don’t even have to know. All they know is that you are incredibly cool for helping them out. Also they like your outfits. You have really cute outfits. 826 is a writing and tutoring center for kids with branches in big cities all over the country.
How to Get Involved: Go to the 826 National website and click Chapters. It’ll take you to a list of the separate locations. You sign up for a training session and then you get in there and help some kids with fractions and five-paragraph essays. Fun!
Cause of Self-Loathing #4: Your Apartment Is So Gross But You Just. Can’t. Clean It.
Cure: Mop The Cages At Your Local Animal Shelter.
This seems counter-intuitive but you know how sometimes you won’t do something for yourself but you’ll do it for someone else out of a sense of obligation or just because they’re relying on you and you don’t want them to be mad at you? This is like that. These sad little puppies and kitties don’t have homes. The least you can do is spend a little time helping them not live in their own filth. They also don’t have thumbs so they can’t mop. They need you for that. They need you! How nice is it to be needed? So nice. Also, some animal shelters have jobs for volunteers where they literally like sit and pet a dog for an hour. Like that’s the volunteer job. “I volunteer to sit here and pet this adorable puppy.” Haha. Yeah I’ll volunteer for that! But I don’t want to get your hopes up because I think what these places need most of all is people to mop.
How to Get Involved: Again, google it. There are lots of different shelters all over the country. Find the one closest to your disgusting apartment and mop it up!