Instant Gratification: White Men Can’t Jump

This is another one that I thought was just for jokes.  “White Men Can’t Jump in here, am I right?!”

I watched this movie with Billy and my friend Jessica a few weeks ago but I haven’t written about it yet because I guess I was a little disappointed?  It wasn’t good enough or bad enough to make me want to write about it right away.  So I don’t even know if I can recommend that you put it in your Netflix queue even for ironic purposes.  Isn’t that crazy?  I mean.  This movie is weird as shit, that’s one thing that’s for sure.  So if you love watching movies just so you can be like “what is up with that shirt anyway?” then maybe you’ll love it.  So let’s talk about it.

1. Wesley Snipes’ shirts.  What the hell is up with that?  I guess they’re meant to highlight the pecs and that they do, but really?  Why are they so loose?  I feel like that would be a hindrance to street basketball playing as other players could so easily grab the extra material, intentionally or even unintentionally.

2. Rosie Perez spends the movie studying to be on Jeopardy.  And then, spoiler alert, she gets on Jeopardy and they of course ask her tons of questions that she specifically studied for and it’s great.  a.) unrealistic (I kind of hate myself for writing this right now – who cares about White Men Can’t Jump being realistic or unrealistic in 2011, seriously Emily.  But nonetheless it is distractingly unrealistic!), b.) WHY DOES NOBODY IN THIS MOVIE HAVE A REGULAR JOB?!?!  Which brings me to…

3. EVERYBODY IN THIS MOVIE NEEDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT THE BASKETBALL AND GET A FUCKING JOB.  I swear I’m not a Republican.  Wash dishes in a restaurant even!  So what you’re good at basketball.  Nobody cares.  It’s not a job.  Get a real job, Woody.  Wesley has one!  And also, everybody also needs to stop screwing each other over.

Ugh, this movie.  Don’t Netflix it.  C-.  Or do Netflix it if you’re like so hungover that you’re not even watching it at all, you’re just sleeping.  That’s fine then.  Carry on.

 

Also, this conversation happened this morning:

My brother Will: You should use your blog to promote your playwriting!  Like put excerpts from plays up there!  I’d read plays if you posted them!
Me: Okay.  But first I have to write a movie review of White Men Can’t Jump because topical.

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4 Comments

Filed under Drunk Movie Reviews

4 responses to “Instant Gratification: White Men Can’t Jump

  1. The Internet

    Watched “City Island” on Netflix last weekend. Andy Garcia plays a Jail Guard who aspires to an acting career. Tells his wife he is playing poker with the boys and sneaks out to acting class. Along the way he sees a prisoner who is his long lost son from a previous dalliance, so of course he brings him home. Delightful.

  2. Auntie Nancy

    I LOVED that movie…it was BIG in 1992. Just goes to show you how social mores and culture change over the years. Some things just aren’t relevant any more. Remember those short, mini basketball shorts from the 70s and 80s??? We can laugh at those now. There have been scads of sports movies made in recent years. This was one of the first. Give it a break. (and hustling was his job in LA).

  3. Auntie Nancy

    P.S. What Will said.

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