We Must Conserve Cake And Paper

To clarify my last post: everybody is fine!  My great aunt went to the hospital but she’s 89 and that kind of thing happens every so often when you’re 89.  She’s good now!  That wasn’t a veiled reference to my brother drinking a hundred 4lokos and having his stomach pumped (though the reality is almost more far-fetched than that scenario – hi Will!)

Now, on to a post about my birthday!  My birthday is the week before Christmas.  I’m not going to complain about it because you know already.  Combined birthday and Christmas presents, etc.  I never really noticed that it was a problem as a kid because it wasn’t like now when everybody has a million Christmas parties to go to the week before Christmas and it’s snowing and we all have lots of baking and present wrapping and shopping to do so nobody can come to my party :(.  Anyway, that sort of thing happened a couple years in a row and I decided I’m not having parties for my birthday anymore.  First of all, it’s getting to feel a little tacky, throwing myself a party.  Come to my house and celebrate me!  I’ll be wearing a dress that makes me feel skinny!  Please shower me with presents and praise!  No thanks.  This year I told Billy that all I wanted to do was go to Western Massachusetts and stay in a bed and breakfast for the weekend.  And that’s what we did.  And it was lovely.  Before we left Billy made me egg-in-the-poodle and egg-in-the-Connecticut:

It was a fantastic birthday breakfast.

Then we took off for Western Massachusetts, which, if you haven’t been there, is incredible.  It’s the wilderness, it’s really beautiful, everybody’s really liberal, there is great food.  It would be heaven on earth if there was more public transportation.

One day, while we were there, we had some time to kill so we got some lattes, popped in an Indigo Girls CD (hold your judgment) and drove through the Berkshires.  It was magical for the aforementioned reasons (lattes + Indigo Girls) but then we came upon the best town ever:

Yup.  Good old Florida, Massachusetts.  Part of me wants to move there so that our kids can go to college and this will happen:

Kid: Where are you from, dorm-mate?

Lazzaro Kid: Massachusetts.

Kid: Cool, what part?

Lazzaro Kid: Florida.

Kid: …huh?

Lazzaro Kid: Florida, Massachusetts.

Kid: …wait… huh?

Lazzaro Kid: YOU HEARD ME.

Kid: I —


Kid: Dude.

Lazzaro Kid: Did I stutter?

Kid: Hey that’s… that’s cool.

Lazzaro Kid:  I have a lot of hometown pride.

That dialogue took a harsh turn.  The point is this: it was so confusing and funny to me that a town would be called Florida.  Especially a town as snowy as Florida, Massachusetts.

That’s a giant snow plow!

Then we had yet more time to kill so we went candlepin bowling!  Guys.  Remember what I said about ice skating – about how it’s really fun?  So is bowling!  Let’s go sometime!

In conclusion, birthdays can still be fun!  Even if they are the week before Christmas and you’re turning 26, perhaps the most uneventful of all ages.



Filed under Things

9 responses to “We Must Conserve Cake And Paper

  1. Billy

    That was the cleanest and most fun bowling experience of my life. Shelbourne Falls candle pin bowling, I need to right a yelp about them!

  2. Auntie Nancy

    Happy Birthday Emily. I LOVE how you celebrated your birthday this year. You know I hear ya loud and clear, right? Not only do I not want parties, but I don’t want to go out for dinner on my birthday either. When there are fabulous leftovers from Christmas Eve, then more leftovers from Christmas dinner, and cakes and candy and cookies all over the place, I mean, who wants to go out and eat in a restaurant two days later to eat more food, cake and cookies????
    But, on the other hand, people don’t really forget about us, do they? I usually get a birthday shout out at most Christmas parties I go to. So that counts for something.

    • Will

      SERIOUSLY, EMILY. boo – fucking – hoo. Sorry everyone sings happy birthday to you and gives you extra cards/presents/hugs/sympathy at xmas. It’s better than just being totally forgotten by everyone because who cares about anyone born in October… I know I know, I say this every time. But you keep complaining by way of proclaiming “I’m not going to complain this year.”

      That’s right, I’m on to you.

  3. What an awesome birthday! You guys definitely rocked it. (Also, I will stand by the Indigo Girls and lattes any day.)

  4. The Internet

    “Candlepins for Cash” used to be the top rated show on Boston TV. Now you know why.

  5. The Internet

    Unfortunately, it didn’t end well:
    Robert Gamere, the sportscaster who hosted the local TV show “Candlepins for Cash” through most of the 1970s, was arrested today on federal charges of transporting and possessing child pornography

    Bob Gamere in 2007

    Several hours later, the 69-year-old Brookline resident pleaded not guilty in a firm voice in US District Court in Boston to a three-count indictment accusing him of distributing child pornography over the Internet on two separate dates last year and of possessing child pornography on his home computer. The indictment was unsealed today.

  6. wil

    I know someone that has a birthday near Christmas. She got tired of the Christmas/birthday thing, so she decided to celebrate her birthday in October. It worked for her.

  7. unc dave

    I always knew that if you try something at least once in life you may have a lifelong love of it. Spectacular birthday especially the poodle in the hole!

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