Me: I’m really excited to see this movie! I love Pixar!
Billy: Me too! Pass the very unhealthy crab dip, please!
(Five minutes later)
Me: (sobbing) Oh god.
Billy: (sobbing) This movie is not for kids.
Me: (sobbing) Why are they doing this? Why is this happening?
Billy: THIS MOVIE IS NOT FOR KIDS.
(Ninety minutes later)
Me: That was cute but I don’t know how I feel about it. I feel a little used.
Billy: Girlfriend. I’m so sorry for eating that crab dip. I’m going to get healthy. I don’t want to die and leave you alone to put a thousand balloons on your house and fly to Africa or something. Also though, if you die first I will murder you.
Me: My eyes are so puffy and my nose hurts from snotting so much. I’m not sure this movie was heartwarming enough to justify the puffiness of my eyes.
What are your thoughts on Up? Heartwarming story of a lonely man finding a new zest for living or manipulative piece of emotional abuse a la Crash?