A few things:
I am cutting myself off from Google Reader today. It sucks up all my creative energy. And it’s great stuff! I mean. I love it. Which is the problem. I spend all day at work reading articles on feminism and celebrity fashion and organic food and home decor and weddings and babies and the lives of other people and it makes it impossible for me to create anything. So I’m cutting myself off.
I freaked out a little last night because I’m professionally unfulfilled and feel like I have no friends of my own in Boston, had a good cry, and ultimately felt better if a little guilty for keeping Billy up and making him talk to me. I’m pretty sure this is the human condition of people in their twenties, though. You graduate college and your social network is gone. You have to build it from the ground up. So you either get a job where you work with other people in a similar place in their lives who you can go out drinking and carousing with but you are really poor and can barely afford rent, i.e. you work at a bike shop or a bar or something. OR you get a “real” job and you work with people with families and you have enough money to pay your student loan bills but you don’t have a social life because it’s not built into your work environment. I guess I chose the latter. Didn’t really choose so much as I have massive student loan bills to pay and I have to find a way to pay them. But the grass is always greener, isn’t it? If I worked at a bike shop and went out carousing with friends every night (this is assuming I’d have friends in this scenario) I’d probably just wish I could settle down and cook dinner for my fiance.
I just googled irritable bowel syndrome. From wikipedia: “IBS may begin after an infection (post-infectious, IBS-PI) or a stressful life event or may begin at onset of maturity without any other medical indicators.” That’s vague, wikipedia. But actually, that might be what’s going on here. Obviously I’m googling irritable bowel syndrome because I can’t stop pooping.
WHAT? YOU KNOW I WRITE GROSS THINGS IN HERE, IF IT FREAKS YOU OUT THEN STOP READING, ASSHOLE.
That got aggressive really quickly. Apologies.
Here’s why wikipedia may be on to something: last weekend probably qualifies as a “stressful life event.” I went on a canoeing/camping/Amish country vacation for three days with some of the least outdoorsy people in existence. Every summer since senior year of high school most of my high school friends have gotten together to go camping or to the beach or somewhere. Last year we rented a house in Rhode Island for a week. The year before that we camped at a lazy campground, also in Rhode Island. This year we kind of dropped the ball with the planning. Half of our friends were too busy to come on vacation at all and we just put off the planning until the last minute. So we ended up sort of throwing together a road trip down to Pennsylvania to a 15 mile canoe trip/campground-free camping. Let me repeat that. Campground-free camping. That’s camping. In the wilderness. WITHOUT BATHROOMS. My system is very regular. I am not used to having to “hold it.” I’ll leave it at that.
On Friday Billy and I drove from Boston to Fairfield, CT to pick up Mike. We then drove down to Philadelphia to stay the night at Katie’s house. Billy, Mike, and Katie had cheesesteaks. I had cheesefries. Cheese Whiz. Blegch. Slash delicious. Then Ashley met up with us and we went to bed. Woke up bright and early on Saturday to drive the hour and a half to the canoe place. We packed too much crap. I wore a white bikini because I’m an idiot. It was really hot. We canoed about 7 miles the first day. I spent a good portion of that time laying on the canoe with my feet in the water while Billy paddled. My justification for this was “the person in the front doesn’t even do anything.” Katie was in a canoe by herself because she’s outdoorsy and experienced and level-headed and not an idiot. Mike and Ashley shared the third canoe and had a really hard time going straight. They essentially went 14 miles when the rest of us went 7 because they made giant S shapes down the river. After canoeing/swimming/eating pb&j we decided we needed to stop canoeing and find a place to camp. We decided to camp on the one beachy-type place we found along the river and pitched our tents. At this point the rain had started. It had been windy, which should have given us a clue of what was to come. We set up tents in drizzle and then ran into the tents when the downpour started. It was on and off so during the times when the sun came out we cooked turkey hot dogs over the fire we started from wood we found in the forest because we are badass! We don’t need no stinkin’ seasoned firewood! We burn driftwood and fallen branches, bitches! And we roasted marshmallows and rubbed melted Hershey’s bars on graham crackers. In retrospect we should have kept the chocolate in the cooler with the PBR but hindset is 20/20, am I right?! Then it started thunderstorming and we went to bed at 9pm. The tents almost fell over in some of the most intense thunderstorming I have ever witnessed. We all slept for 12 hours. When we woke up it was still fucking raining. We packed the tents up in the rain. We packed the canoes in the rain. We got back in the wet canoes and set off for the last 8 miles to the canoe rental place. We were all disgruntled. Oh I forgot. When we were setting up camp the night before a bunch of douchebags on a douchebag retreat canoed by and asked us to show them our tits. I showed them my middle finger, but I don’t feel that it was a strong enough statement. Eh. Anyway, on Sunday morning it was raining on us in the canoes, everybody was a grouch. Then the sun came out, yay! We were paddling pretty hard because we needed to get back to the canoe place because everybody who hadn’t been gorging themselves on beef jerky (read: everyone except Billy and Mike) had to poop. The jerky has the handy camping side-effect of causing constipation. Anyway, we got towards the end of the line. The Narrows. It’s the most dangerous part of the river and we were told to stay all the way to the left to make sure we did’t hit rocks or capsize. Billy and I made it through. It was really exciting and kinda fun and I felt really powerful and awesome. We turned around to see Ashley and Mike going through The Narrows in the worst possible place, hitting rocks right and left, getting all turned around. We laughed. Katie was making it through pretty easily. Billy and I paddled some more. Then we turned around to check on Ashley and Mike and all of a sudden Katie is in the water and all the stuff from her canoe is scattered all over the river. Somehow the most experienced of all of us has flipped her canoe over and stuff was everywhere. She’s level-headed as I said earlier so she managed to get her canoe righted and we picked up most of the stuff she lost and she didn’t freak out. But there was lots of paddling up river and maneuvering and it was really hard. But I forgot that I had to poop! Eventually we made it to the canoe rental place, dragged our boats up on the ramp and got everything returned to its rightful place. And I got to poop thank God. We were all filthier than any normal person should be and we went to Wendy’s and sat in the corner so as not to offend anyone. Then we drove to a bed and breakfast in Amish country called the Susquehana Manor. It. Was. Awesome. Gorgeous and creepy and there was a giant tub in our room with those golden lions feet on the bottom! It was seriously great. We got scrubbed up and went out for a great dinner and bought road beers! You can do that in Pennsylvania! And we played wii and went to sleep and slept like the dead. Then we got up early for a fantastic breakfast prepared by the lady of the house (this place was so old timey and awesome that it makes me want to say stuff like lady of the house) and then we went on our way. We visited various touristy Amish-y shops and bought some garbage. I petted a couple sheeps. They were cute. I don’t know, we did some shit. This post is getting insanely long. Are you still reading this? Is anybody? Am I even reading this? Barely.
By the end of it all we were pretty exhausted but felt accomplished. I really like my friends. And we explored another state in this great country of ours. Seriously this post is insane.
Good day, sir.
I said good day!