Adventures In My Privates

So about three months ago I went through a completely voluntary and very painful procedure.  Remember that adventure on the high seas?  Well it ain’t over yet!  Except this time by “high seas” I mean “period blood” and by “adventure” I mean “a lot of it”.

I will spare you the gory details.  But let me just say: nothing is easy, is it?  Nope!  Nothing is easy at all.  After the insertion fiasco, I got my regular period but it just lasted oh an entire month.  And then I had two weeks of blissful lack of period and here it is again!  Back at it.  It is now the eighth day of my period and I’m still bleeding and cramping quite a bit but trying not to let it worry me too much.  These things take time to regulate.  Or so I’m told.  I just had a check up with my OB/GYN two days ago and everything seems to be in the right place but I’m not going to lie, a part of me truly believes that my IUD is making a run for it through the wall of my uterus.

Gross?  Yes.  Possible?  Yes!  That is actually a possible thing!  Why, again, did I have this foreign object placed inside my body?  WHY?

Another fun detail is that since I told my doctor that I was bleeding for way too long she prescribed me birth control pills to stop the bleeding.  Does that sound weird?  A little?  Yeah, it does sound a little weird.  Because I am already on birth control.  That’s what this whole mess is about.  That’s why there is a foreign object in my nethers in the first place.  To control birth.  Because I didn’t want to have to take a pill.  And yet, the IUD requires that I take the pill to regulate my “high seas”.

The best part of all of this?  The IUD has hormones in it.  The pill has hormones in it.  What does that mean?  That means Billy is going to have a girlfriend on his hands this month with a double dose of estrogen running rampant through her veins.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Billy.

P.S. Remember when I said I’d spare you the gory details and then I just gave you all the gory details anyway?  I’m such a bitch like that.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Adventures In My Privates

  1. Ashley

    ironic.

    I have lots of juicy (after) birth details that no one tells you. I was amazed. Unfortunately my grandma reads my blog soooo its a no go.

  2. receptionist

    Ha! I’m pretty sure my grandma can’t operate a computer. Looks like I’m all clear!

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